From the "You Know You're From Burbank If..." Facebook page



You know you're from Burbank if...

By many with some by me, Wes Clark


You know you're from Burbank if...'ve ever made out in the parking lot of the Mormon church or the Starlight Bowl've ever ridden that funicular railway between DeBell and the Castaways - or wished you could think AutoBooks-Aerobooks on Magnolia is the coolest bookstore, ever saw "The Ghost and Mister Chicken" at the California Theater know what Smoke House garlic bread tastes like know you can also get it at the DeBell Clubhouse recall that "TEXAS" was stamped under the brown plastic Shakey's pizza glasses revere the Martino's teacake watch Tim Burton films merely because he's a homie know the Blarney Stone wasn't just in Ireland know that The Ramp isn't merely a way to get on I-5 Jed Clampett you've crossed the Los Angeles River at Barham and thought, "Pathetic" liked to see the films Warner Brothers was promoting on the side of the studio buildings know where the Popeye weathervane was know Cabrini isn't a pasta sauce admire the airplane art on the wall at Pinocchio's know where to find a really, really nice old car show for free every Friday night have an insufferable sense of superiority when somebody says he's from North Hollywood wondered why the King Swede Jell-O had no taste at all used to buy pants at Miller's Outpost know what two colors the Borrmann Steel sign is wondered what academic subjects were taught at the Kovats Academy ever tried making sense of the Sargent's menu drove down Glenoaks and pondered the names of Drs. Penix and Penix know that with doughnuts the only thing missing is "u." never took the Burbank Studios Tour bought tubes from Electronic City associate the words "Stelling-Hellings" with a handlebar mustache get the joke about "Beautiful Downtown Burbank" made gimp keyfobs at one of the parks in the summer know what rotting eucalyptus leaves smell like know that traffic light near the Home Savings didn't stay green long

...when desperate you bought gas at the 24 hour gas station on Buena Vista and San Fernando loudly insist that it's San Fernando Road and not Boulevard went to the LERC gem show had food at the Albin's drug store counter then shopped for toys at Albin's toys had pie at the House of Pi across from Akron bought a TV from Bar's remember Unimart liked the neon-lined revolving windmill at the Van deKamp restaurant walked around in The Akron and wondered, "Who buys this stuff?" know better than to expect Chili John's to be open every day 9 to 5.'ve ever eaten a real Breakfast Burrito at a little shack called “Corner Cottage”
...your parents and grandparents went to Burroughs or Burbank have heard gossip about someone from the other side of town on the same day, nay, same hour, it happened's perfectly normal to have a gardener, poolman, and cleaning lady. of the biggest events is either the Homecoming game or the Pop Show.
...your teachers call you by your brothers/sister's name. can't go anywhere without seeing someone you know (usually someone you don't like) have three theatres in less than 1/2 mile radius and that's perfectly okay have adjusted to the planes overhead, either by installing the free noise-proof windows, or by just talking louder
...your school parking lot looks like a high class car dealership refer to yourself as a Burbankian or a Burbanker and or most of your friends were born at St. Joseph's're a Bulldog or Indian for life and won't wear the other school's color love Santoro's, Martino's, Pinocchio's, Giamela's, or some other Italian-named business know someone in show choir see an actor on the street and aren't surprised... in fact you're kind of annoyed that they took your parking spot know someone who has an agent know someone who works for Disney can always tell when you're leaving the city because the road starts to get crappy
...the Burbank Leader is your newspaper of choice hear about crimes in Burbank... about five years after they happened
...after Prom/Homecoming/competition/game, you go to either BJ's, Macaroni Grill, Bob's or the Coral Cafe fundraisers actually raise A LOT of money
...your teachers went to your school refer to the other side of Burbank as "past the bridge" or "the flatland" know you'll end up coming back to Burbank when you grow old see someone on Facebook that you've never met before, but you still know their face from "around town" stopped hanging out at the mall the moment the carousel and the Gap went away've never seen Jay Leno ride around in the same car twice
...every party gets broken up before 11:00 pm, usually because of nosy neighbors
...your mom got pulled over because she took too long to drop you off at school only know of Bob Hope because he's the name of every street, airport and post office in the city
...TV6 is your favorite channel get annoyed because you can't cross Chandler Blvd. because of the bike path
...your neighbors know more about your private life than you do talk incessantly about leaving the bubble, but something always draws you back
...we have white picket fences and people actually care about the environment... and we're proud of it!



See also "You're Seriously Old San Fernando Valley If You..."



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