Geared to 18th century reenacting, but I think all reenactors will get the joke. - Jonah

You might be a reenactor if...

Author unknown

You might be a reenactor if...'ve ever been chased out of a DAR meeting for "Spreading lies about our glorious forefathers!"

...sleeping outside in the rain and mud is your idea of a fun Saturday night. can identify a regiment by the curses heard from their camp. (Son of a who?) can't sing without a mug of something in your hand. can spot oznaburg linen at 30 yards. have ever spent over 300 dollars on clothes that went out of style over 200 years ago. have ever replayed A&E's "The Revolutionary War" 25 times in a row just to get a glimpse of your foot in the left-hand corner of the screen.'ve ever uttered the phrase "only 68 more days 'til (pick an event)!"'ve ever fondled your musket lovingly. consider life's essentials to be black powder and booze!'ve ever gotten laid under canvas

...your employer says: "Oh, are you going out to play that war crap again?"

...your dinner guests see one of your uniforms and exclaims "Are you in a theater production?"

...your neighbor's dog is barking due to the high frequency pitch of the fifes playing in your back yard.'ve stockpiled lots of candles by the back door as a reminder not to forget them. travel over 2000 miles to sleep in tent, at an historic site.'ve yelled at an 1840's Rendezvous "Flintlocks forever! Nipples are for Squaws!"

...used your flintlock to kill something to eat.

...spent over $1000 for a gun that has to have a sharp rock in it to work.

...get excited when an event says "NO TEEPEES, DYRE MOCCASINS, OR CAPLOCK GUNS" and have slept with your firelock.

...put on your "Real" clothes just to look at yourself in the mirror.

...don't participate in games that encourage the throwing away of your weapon.

...think a "match" is a glowing cord.'ve sat in a theater with your friends and puzzled the audience by laughing through most of "Revolution" starring Al Pacino. drive by some open land and think "What a great place for a battle!"

...for Men: You're at the beach and a young beauty passes by in a thong swimsuit, and you fantasize about how great she'd look in a "robe anglais."

...for Ladies: At the beach, Mr. Beefcake swaggers by, and you admire the turn of his calf.'ve bought or made lead dice. know by heart the lines to: Zulu, Zulu Dawn, The Four Feathers, and ANY Monty Python skit.'ve repeatedly worn wool when the temperature tops 100 degrees Fahrenheit. and your spouse are in direct competition over who gets to wear more plumes.'ve received flint cuts, pan flash burns, pulled off ticks, been infested by chiggers, gotten poison ivy, and still look forward to camping out every time.

...if there are a couple of cannon balls on stairs.

...if your house needs a coat of paint.

...if on holidays half the bowls and cups on the dinner table are hand thrown reproductions or tin.

...if there are two or three muskets stacked in the parlor corner.

...if there are half completed sewing projects decorating the parlor furniture.'ve made a career decision based on its impact on your weekends.'ve made a vehicle purchase decision based on how well it accommodates your kit and gets into and out of lost fields

...your neighbors talk about how your house smells of rotten eggs on Mondays.

...on Monday your business associates comment on the funny tan/sunburn line that ends at the hatline. one will attend a war movie/historical costume drama with you.

...your reenacting wardrobe is more valuable than your business attire.

...your $30,000 car sits out in the weather so your $200 tent can stay in the garage. have more reenacting shoes than 20th century shoes. spend more on a pair of reenacting shoes than on your "dress" shoes. earn a good salary, but are always broke.

...your mailman stays confused (what the heck rank are you in the Reserves anyway?)

...your kids can correct their history teachers. fly strange flags.

...your vanity tag gets lots of comment (Fusilier; 1st NH; 2SC).

...your business associates are afraid to walk into your office. (Is that grenade on your desk real?)

...your freezer is full of candles (makes 'em burn longer - really!)'re on PETA's hit list (we love animals; we eat them and wear their skins). have more closet space devoted to costumes than "real" clothes. get the "flux" on the way back home. the middle of summer, you dread wearing a short-sleeved shirt in your air-conditioned office, while you can't wait to get to the next event, where you can dress in a long sleeved shirt, with a vest, wool coat, hat, and carry around 40 or 50 pounds of bulky gear on your back, while firing away with your musket, and then relaxing next to your cookfire. have ever been asked at a gas station if you are Amish. have ever assessed road kill as lunch meat potential. win Halloween costume competitions - hands down.

...if you answered any or all of the following questions from the public; Is that a real fire?, Is that a real baby?, Is that real food and do you eat it?, Did you sleep here last night?, Do you sleep in that?, Is that a real sword?, Can that gun shoot?, Do you use real bullets?, Are you Paul Revere or George Washington? (You retort "In a Red Coat!!?"), Aren't you hot?, Do you get wet if it rains?, Is that hair real?, What did they use for toilet paper?, Are you from the North or the South? (At a Revy War event), Asked by a kid after a battle: "Did you really die?"